Sara Angela Rodriguez
A415-002/Chambers
Student Critique/ Having a
conversation at an inconvenient time
07 February 2013
Your story was great. Although it seemed to have a slice of
life feel to it, we were presented with a middle, beginning, and end that were
all very nicely wrapped up with a ‘moral of the day’ feel to it. Your character
grew, evolving their train of thought, in a few short pages. I really enjoyed reading the story, but there
were a few things I think you need to clear up. One of these things is the
presentation of the dialogue. You present the dialogue in two different ways,
once in standard dialogue form with quotations surrounding the speech and
another in a quotation-less block type separated from the rest of the story. I think
that for consistencies sake, and to avoid confusing the reader, you should stick
to one way of presenting dialogue. In my opinion you should use the standard
way and leave the set-off block text for asides, like you did when describing
the van. I think that breaking off from the story and describing the van was a
very clever idea. I wish that I could have seen more of that. I think it is
these breaks with the main story that make the piece experimental. I would like
to see the character maybe describe what everyone is wearing after she meets
her ‘new friends’ and her boyfriend leaves instead of listening to their
meaningless talk, or watch and reflect on the setup of the band, or the makeup
of the bar. I think it would be those breaks that actually tell the story. Overall,
I really enjoyed your work.
No comments:
Post a Comment