Critique on "Conceal or Reveal"

Sara Angela Rodriguez

A415-002/Chambers

Student Critique/ Conceal or Reveal

4/26/2013

This piece was about two lovers, One and Two, that are going through hard times in their relationship. I really liked the use of numbers in this piece—as the characters names, as the directional guides, as movement—though I wish that you would have used the numbers more. I think that it was a really good choice to take the couples names away because it created ambiguity in gender, race, culture, etc. I wish that you would have kept this style throughout the piece because it did confuse me a bit when you switched from One and Two to He and She at the bottom of the second page. I must admit that even though I liked the story development that took place in the last two paragraphs, the use of He and She did throw me off a bit. I couldn’t figure out which one was One and which was Two and I didn’t understand why their name would change so far into the story. I also got a little lost in the wording. Reading it over I realized that they characters were acting differently upon different actions, but I feel that somehow you should try to clear that up. I also feel that the piece ended abruptly. Even though the last paragraph intended to give the piece a definite ending, I felt that it was not appropriate. I feel like more needed to be added to the story or that it should have ended in the second to last paragraph. I really liked your story, the transitions from one paragraph to another were done very well and the interactions between the couple were very realistic and I can tell you really thought them out.