Sara
Angela Rodriguez
A415-002/Chambers
Student
Critique/ Desafortunado
22
April 2013
Your
story, about an unfortunate horse and his unfortunate owner, was pretty epic. I
love how you used Spanish in your work, though at times you were a little off. Those
corrections I’ve made on the hard copy so that you can “have a tactile
experience.” Here I want to focus on the construction of your story. Though
your story was really good I have to admit that it took me a while to piece it together
and figure out what order the different parts go in. I think that in order to
fix this jumble of story sections (so your reader can have a better experience off
course) is to make smoother transitions. First write the story out in order
then, after everything is perfect, move the pieces around. I think this will
also help with any discrepancies in action (so we don’t have Herman arriving at
the barn by himself then arriving with Junior and so that the gun isn’t in
Dessie’s hand one second and on the table in the other). Besides what I’ve
addressed, everything in your story to me sounded great. I really love the
characters and the world you have built for them. Keep up the good work.
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