Sara Angela Rodriguez
A415-002/Chambers
Student Critique/ The Hand
of Justice
24 January 2013
I really enjoyed reading
your piece. I absolutely loved how you formatted it to look like a real case
file; it allowed the reader know what they were reading and prepared them for
what they should expect. What I especially liked is how the main character (voice
if you will) Douglas Sheridan (Hence forth referred to in this critic as DS
because it is shorter and the name used to identify the criminal with—I can
assume he’s a criminal right? Which by the way I loved how you shortened his
name: it distances Douglas Sheridan, the person, from DS, the criminal who is
murdering women and it shows how he is no longer has humanity, he is
non-deserving of a name, but I digress.) Rambles on about what he is doing, what he has
done, and why. He is confused and the text shows that. He is trying to convince
not only his audience (whoever receives the tape—who I’m assuming are the women’s
husbands or police officers because of the address to the ‘gentlemen’ at the
end of the text) but himself that what he is doing is because of justice. But, I
do have some questions. The ‘inaudible’ in brackets, is that supposed to mean
that there is no sound being heard at all (the subject is not speaking) or does
that mean that he is speaking but we can barely hear or make out what he is
saying? I think that clearing that up would make a big difference. Also, I think
that all the ‘--’ should be replaced with ‘—’ and that the commas should be
replaced with ellipses, or any combination of the four should take place. I personally
feel that if you did that then the double dash and the comma would not be
overused and it would show a bigger pause in thought or distraction from
speech. There are also a few places that I think all caps should be used to
emphasis the thoughts of DS, but I have marked those places on the reading. I hope
that my comments were helpful.
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