Sara Angela Rodriguez
A415-002/Chambers
Student Critique/ S.O.S
21 January 2013
I really enjoyed reading
your work! I liked how each character describes not only their movements but the
movements of the other, one’s action (their own) being the sane while the other’s
(that of their counterpart) being illogical. I was surprised to find out that
both individuals were one in the same (You’d think that I would be less
shocked, that I would assume that there were truly one because of the size of
the island, but I was picturing not a tiny Spongebob island but a good sized
Gillian’s island where these two individuals would have a hard time running
into each other if they were not actively looking for each other). What I really liked about this piece was the
ramblings of each voice; each had their own character which was very well
defined by what they said, how they said it, and the way in which they acted. I
do however; have a question, well questions: How are James and Peter talking
to? Or are they writing notes? If they’re writing notes, are these notes to
someone? How are they writing notes? I really like that you have the
alternating voices in this piece but I’m not entirely sure who is meant to be
reading this, or hearing this, if anyone. Besides that, oh and the insert at
the end with the reporter, I have no problem with the construction of the work.
When it comes to the part about the reporter, Kelly Ross, I think that you
should make her spiel a bit longer. I think that you should insert this little
news bit about Peter Joseph James as an ending story after big headlining news.
You can do this by adding the end of the big news story before his story or by
saying “Miami residents are still searching for […]” instead of “the city of
Miami is still in search […]” because that makes him sound less important,
which I think would make the story all the more intense (but that’s just me). I
would also omit the “alone” part because I would want to leave it open for the
reader to ask: is there only one person or are there really two?
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