Critique on "The Memory Book"

Sara Angela Rodriguez

A415-002/Chambers

Student Critique/ The Memory Book

29 January 2013

I loved, and was admittedly creeped-out by, the images in your story: from the very human-like “bare feet” and long “fingernails” to the anima-like “mucus bubb[ing] in her throat.” But, often times I was left asking, “Who is this intense image/portrait/trait accredited to or describing?” I felt that everything worked well in isolation but I am sad to admit that I was a bit confused while reading the story as a whole. For a while I thought that the story was about a mouse making its way through a house attempting to remember the paths it had forged when it was younger. Then I thought it was about this old, decrepit, dying old mousy woman. But, after reading a bit I saw that the two were separate entities (right? They are separate entities?)  and that the story started off by being told from the perspective of the (now dead) mouse and finished off by being told from the perspective of the (now dead) woman. I think that if that’s the case you should have a break or separation somewhere to indicate you are shifting from one character to another. Besides that little mix up I honestly thought your story was amazingly intense. It creeped me out a bit, but I felt that that made it even better. Great job!