Sara Angela Rodriguez
A415-002/Chambers
Student Critique/ My best
friend is going to prison.
3/19/2013
I really like the
structure of this piece. I think that it was an excellent choice to use the
different text formats and fonts to tell the story of this event. Out of the
different styles that you used I could identify dictionary entries, reports,
reviews, text messages, telephone conversations, and what I assume to be a
mailed letter. I think that the use of all these forms of communication was
brilliant. Though, I do wish that I could see more of the prison reviews. We
only get one of the four and I’m interested to see the others, mainly because I
want to see why this specific review was chosen to be put in this story. I also
want to see the dictionary entry set apart from the statement about the guilt
ridden face. I think that by putting it in the official dictionary type and
making it directly connected to the term that it is defining (probable cause)
the structure would work better and the story would be consistent in its style.
Once again, I really enjoyed reading your piece, though there was one thing
that threw me off a bit: the usage of time. The dates given to each section of
text confused me a bit. I wasn’t sure why the dates were out of order. I
assumed this was done to show the confusion and flood of emotions being
experienced by the narrator but besides the final statement of “I Love You” and
the constant screaming I found no other support for my theory. Next, I tried reading
the different sections in chronological order and found that even though the
story did not change it gave it a different meaning; it put everything in order
and made it a more linear story than I really wanted. In my opinion I think
that you should either eliminate the dates or put them in some sort of order.
In my opinion this would make the piece work better. I hope that my comments
help. Thanks for sharing your story.
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