Sara Angela Rodriguez
A415-002/Chambers
Student Critique/ In Fair Asphodel
3/15/2013
I really enjoyed reading your piece. the images and the
poetry worked wonders to build up this world of magic and decay. The images you
presented us with, though beautiful and shocking, were often times a bit
confused. It was not the individual images that confused me, for the images
were magnificent in isolate, but rather the way that they were all supposed to
fit together (the sentence that reads “carbuncles of grass […] like razor
blades” comes to mind). Also, I was thrown off a little by the girl and her
relationship to the king. I’m not sure if he’s supposed to symbolize death or
if he is supposed to be her killer. I think that there needs to be a little
more to their story so that I can make a connection between the two. Besides
those two things I really liked your story. I especially liked how it didn’t
seem to be told in order. It seemed to me that you would give us information
and then flashback to some other point or give us information in one paragraph
that could only be understood if we reread another. I think that this was a
good way to keep the reader active and to make the reader focus on the action
of the story.
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