Sara Angela Rodriguez
A415-002/Chambers
Student Critique/ Notes on a
Kitchen Table
21 March 2013
I really enjoyed reading
your piece I thought that it was a very unique and interesting idea to write
your piece in note/ flowchart form. Though, I must admit that I was a little
disappointed that we only saw two notes, not three, four, or more. The flowchart
took me by surprise—a good surprise—when I read the title I expected the entire
story to be told in a series of notes, not a flowchart; though the chart did
add life to the piece. it made me realize that the narrator, Ally, was a very
organized person that cared a lot about her boyfriend Danny; enough to the
point that she would stay up making this chart for him and that she could map
his actions out exactly. What I especially liked about your piece is how the
writing was done in red. I usually write things in red whenever I’m mad at
someone and always preface the note with a “this note is written in red, take
that as you may” in order to express my unexpressed anger. I also like how Ally
has crossed out different portions of her note. It allows us to see what she
was thinking while writing the note and gives us an inside look at her way of
reasoning. Once again, I really liked your piece though; I did have some issue
with the organization of it. I think that the note written by Danny should be
the last section presented in the piece. This way everything is in
chronological order and we get the full meaning of his words. Also, I think
that with the flowchart you should have some consistency in shapes. You use a
lot of shapes when making the flow boxes but I don’t see any pattern to them. I
think that by keeping them uniform you can make the piece look better and
easier to read.
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